My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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