wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
