I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize