Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
