I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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