i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
