I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
