Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
