Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
