doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
