(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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