i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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