Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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