I should be sponsored by Trojan
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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