We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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