So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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