very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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