i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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