Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
