Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So here I am, sexting at work.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
