So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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