just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
organizing the empties. That sober.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Are my feet made of real feet?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Randomize
