it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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