Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
