some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize