Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
