I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize