My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
