um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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