I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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