i permit you to call me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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