now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
