Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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