they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize