Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
