I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
