Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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