i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
