i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize