My first STD was from a foam party
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
