Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
