i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
