bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
