He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Terrible idea I love it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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