obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
