his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
