This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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