1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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