I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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