smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
