I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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