Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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