It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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