I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
