Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
