i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
