Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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