You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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