you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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