did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
