Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I came so hard my ears popped.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
