I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
