Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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