I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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