I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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