How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
