why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
