I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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