Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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