I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
