why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
