Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
