I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
