Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize