I need to stop coming to work sober
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
