This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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