just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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