Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm like, not good at living.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
