I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
