what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
