...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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