The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
