WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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