And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
