I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude i'm inner monologue high
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
