I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
