I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
