Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
