every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
