I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
