Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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