Your mouth is God's brothel.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
