You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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