you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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