So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
