I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
