how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
