your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
