its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize