i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You pole danced in your parka.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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