End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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