chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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