I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
