I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
