Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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