I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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